Raising a boy in an incomplete family

Tue, Mar 11, 2014

The incomplete family these days has become one of the standard options.
Women feel quite comfortable without a husband, and instead
gradually disappearing into the past sad term “loner” came
new proud term – “Samoama”. However, most moms,
combining the role of both parents, it is recognized that they are experiencing
for raising sons.

How not to go to extremes, raising the son without the participation of the father?
What mistakes await brave moms on a thorny path
parenthood? And most importantly – how to raise a real man?

Problem number 1. Lack of masculinity. Some moms
bend the stick already from the birth of the crumbs. Lack of solid
male hands, they decide to compensate for the harsh education –
no calf tenderness, the emphasis on boy games right from
diaper and maximum independence. Their motives are clear – no one
I want to raise my mother’s son, but the time for Spartan
parenting chosen incorrectly. Any kid has the right to receive
generous portions of affection and tenderness, and the missing father can not
cause a shortage of maternal heat.

Problem number 2. Cultivating self-pity and son.
A woman overrepresents a child, suffers from her own fault and cannot
throw offense to his father. Baby from the first days assigned to
the role of the only man in the family, and falls on children’s shoulders
exorbitant burden of responsibility for the mother. Although caring child
unwittingly attracts admiring glances, subsequently excessive
communication with mom and a sense of responsibility for her is fraught
inability to build your own family. And an aging mother
so accustomed to such care that is no longer able to let go
adult son, and he himself begins to consider himself almost
traitor. To avoid such an unsightly scenario, clearly
determine the role in the family will have since the birth of his son, making sure that
that there were no such distortions. Do not take away from the child
childhood, burdening him with responsibility for his mother, nurturing in him
traits of a single man since birth.

Problem number 3. Guilt for the act of the father. Most often this
women who face divorce sin, but sometimes
single mothers start this foul play. How often offended
woman utters the phrase “Dad threw us”, completely unaware
obvious harm from such a formulation? In a woman resentment, with
this mother is already rallying with the child. But in this case
�“We” is completely inappropriate. Therefore, if the gap with the spouse
happened quite recently, it will be very important to keep track of your
speech Inadvertently uttered, but often repeated “we”
acts imperceptibly, but destructively – the child immediately transfers
much of the blame on yourself.

Tips

  • The lack of a strong hand certainly does not make things easier
    education. But on closer examination, it is obvious that a large
    Mother’s perception of this fact plays a destructive role. Communication with
    a man is very important for the boy, but there are no irreplaceable ones – the coach is
    sports section or a great grandpa can become friends and
    mentors for life. So, instead of experiences and torments,
    need to take care that such a person appeared in life
    baby
  • If contacts with the father are impossible, for the period of growing up the child
    will have to create a legend. Many hide behind the reluctance to lie and
    prefer to reveal to the son the hard truth about the betrayal of his father
    since childhood. But the fragile psyche of a little boy is not ready yet.
    put up with the injustice of the adult world. No matter how deep you are
    the offense inflicted on you, you should not deliberately defame the name of the father – in fact
    in this way, you only take revenge on the child. Needlessly idealize
    his personality, of course, is also not necessary. Speak openly but softening
    sharp corners of the relationship of a man and a woman, and do not forget
    fence off the little man from your personal drama.
  • Time to let go of your chick’s hand is the golden rule for everyone.
    mothers. Each of us has a moment when we have to give
    more autonomy and a little loosen the emotional thread
    communication. For Samoama this is a great moment to take care of yourself –
    otherwise, her loneliness threatens to suffocate her son.

It is important not to forget that millions of families exist with their own
baggage problems and troubles. Somewhere a man is present only
nominally, other fathers are a negative character altogether,
and some dads are so busy with work that they are just not in
able to devote enough time to raising a son. Your task –
provide the child with love and communication with the rest of the family and
calm mom, active life, regardless of the inflicted
once a grudge.

Text: Vera Guler

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