Love and marriage. How to keep love in longrelationship.

Чт, 14 апр 2016 Автор: Галина Правдина

All fairy tales end in the most interesting place: recognition in
love, then they got married and lived happily ever after. But how exactly
lived, fairy tales can not tell, because after the wedding
Begins … But what begins is each pair decides for itself and
she writes her family history.

Someone пытается самостоятельно решать возникающие в браке
problems, someone turns for advice to friends and acquaintances,
someone is studying books on family relationships. For help
In this issue come and specialists – family psychologists, who
claim that a successful love union is based on three
criteria:

The main thing is, of course, love. Husband and wife need love
each other and give each other this love.

Over the years, love only becomes stronger.
a housewife:

We are married 11 years, and 15 years, as together. Our love over the years
just got stronger. There used to be some disagreement until
got used to each other, lined up life, raised children. Now
children grew up, my husband and I each have their own obligations friend
in front of a friend. Everything is solved easily and easily. Nothing special for
this is not done, just appreciate, love and passionately want each other.
В итоге – все довольны и счастлиyou…

Elena 29 years old, teacher:

Married for almost 3 years! Have нас всегда была красивая любовь и она с
every year it becomes only stronger. I don’t do anything special
maybe growing up! Just when with a person you overcome and
you pass some difficult or, on the contrary, joyful moments in
life, feelings only get stronger!

Svetlana, 33, manager:

“We have known Vadik since 10 years, we rested together in the country every
summer. Then the friendship smoothly flowed into love, we were even called
�”husband and wife”. True, I was always the initiator, and Vadik allowed
love yourself. Although I regularly visited me on Saturdays and called me once
a week Only I am an emotional person, then I wanted
storms of emotions and fireworks of feelings. And he is calm as a boa constrictor and nothing
do not pierce. Even jealousy scenes did not suit. I tried it for a long time
расшевелить, потом плюнула и сказала что ухожу… is he три раза
tried to get me back, came, persuaded, showered confessions in
love But I was adamant. After some time met
a man who was very active in showing his wishes
to me. In the end, caught up in a whirlwind of emotions, I married him.
With my husband, I lived on the type of endured, love. Notт, он неплохой
man, but we are completely different. is he деревенский парень,
believing that women are unworthy of respect, and of course he treated me
respectively. is he даже убедил меня уехать жить в деревню к его
mom I tolerated everything, but I started thinking about divorce. true
the thought of being with two children was not very warm. But it happened
that I, 9 years later, again met with Vadik and realized that the whole
my old life is over. We told each other EVERYTHING for everything.
years of separation. It turns out that in all the women that he had had
at least some dash from me. We and fought and reconciled.
For three weeks he managed to convince me to get a divorce. �”I do not want,
so that you may be my mistress, you are mine. ” Then there were hard explanations
with her husband and the pressure of his relatives. But then Vadik took the gazelle and
in one day took all our stuff. And most importantly, me completely
supported by my eldest son Kolya. We have learned in separation to value
what is. В этом наверное и есть смысл love Now у нас девиз
so – not so long I waited for you (a) and hoped (s) that
destroy everything now because of a trifle. Together we have 3 years. initially
about a year, we nibbled each other over trifles, but now only
real family building begins. It was very hard for me
jealous of him for everything, but it was impossible to show. Yes, and way of life
changed dramatically. I used to be a gray mouse, not
wear and wear only long, and now I have to be successful
and a confident woman. “

In second place is the similarity of the spouses. In a harmonious family
husband and wife similar views on life, the same hobbies and hobbies,
tastes and preferences, etc., they even look like each other
friend

Любовь требует вниманияЛилия 32 года, a housewife:

ANDногда бывает, что чувство любви вспыхивает ярко как в первый
year of marriage. I want romance, repeat candy-bouquet
period. What am I doing to keep feeling? Make it so that he
was jealous. By the way, it works. Have меня, наверное, муж
so caught that over 11 years of marriage somehow not tired of each other.
Maybe we just got used to each other. Generally, he can not without
Me, says, that him with me not boring.

Margarita, 32, civil servant:

Married 10 years. In my opinion, since then nothing has gone. Has come
communication experience. I know what he needs and vice versa. We often go to
mountains, we have common interests, and most importantly, diversity in personal
relationship (even a change of scenery has a positive effect on
relations). Have меня разница с мужем 13 лет. I left at 22 –
consciously. Married the main thing is respect, tolerance and a little
compromise. At age you begin to understand. I do not say that
my spouse is perfect, but he realizes that I am for him the most
the best!

Nothing stands still, over the years we change, our changes
desires and goals. Changing the quality of love if you can
put it. And here is the third important rule – it is important to help grow
your love, to perfect both her and yourself. Love is not
only in one direction to look, but also to move together towards a common
goals

Elena, 34 years old, housewife:

My husband is my first love and for almost 16 years of marriage feelings
have not changed, as she loved, and love. Change
circumstances, it suits me or not – I still love.
Out of fear, there was confidence. I think he and I were lucky
we appreciate each other. And when husband and wife change, but only in
different directions, it becomes less and less common and
uniting them.

Svetlana, 32, choreographer:

Over the years, the passion goes away, and there is understanding, respect,
attachment! To save love in marriage, I did a lot, everything
I forgave and waited … We were together for 12 years, and half a year ago
divorced … The main reason for what happened – we became different, and from
this immediately took warmth and respect. Something most important
disappeared !!!

Ludmila, 45 years old, au pair:

I got married, because it was necessary – all my friends went out,
Well, I have to go. That is, there were no beautiful declarations of love. To husband and
love was never, was respect. And now it is gone.
We stay together out of habit, and the apartment is common, another son … I do not know
got used to it, though, at times, it annoys me. Different we have become. is he
could not change, adapt to modern conditions, lives
by the past. My husband became like the eldest son.

Most of the problems that arise between two loving
people, according to psychologists – from the inability to love. But as
do you need to love correctly? Specialists are ready for this.
share your tips.

First of all, one should not suppress emotions in oneself;
to speak frankly everything that boils and grieves. Suppress
nothing can, psychologists say. The emotion you suppress is all the same
will come out, but through your husband. For example, you are angry for
something on the husband, but try to suppress your anger and not show
him. In order not to start a quarrel and keep consent in the family, think
you. But then, suddenly, your husband begins to get angry, with what would seem
on the empty place. The same thing happens when the husband tries
suppress anger in yourself, but here you start to “boil”. Law
physics about communicating vessels acts in the relationship between
spouses. So you have to speak frankly with each other, sometimes
if it is absolutely unbearable, be angry, let off steam and tension
will pass.

Elena, 32, housewife:

Together we are almost 9 years old. Our love did not go anywhere, and especially
nothing has changed during this time. We must respect, appreciate and love
himself and his interests, then the husband will appreciate, love and respect. Have
us in the family, everyone says what he thinks, bluntly.
Straight talk is very helpful, there is no misunderstanding and some
insults.

Catherine, 30 years old, local doctor:

In the summer there will be 8 years, as we are married. Haveшел, конечно,
bouquet and candy period. Like everyone else, however. Haveшла, может,
some kind of romance, and where is it now … Appeared, if so
say, cynicism is when you hang out, and, of course,
you already know each other very well. In any case, better than others.
(100% completely no one will know anyone, and this is not good).

The world-renowned expert on the problems of the relationship between
men and women, Barbara de Angelis argues that little
throw out only the accumulated anger. When a person is upset or
very disappointed, according to Barbara, he is experiencing a whole gamut
emotions that are layers like “lie” on each other. These emotions
divided into 5 groups. And anger is only the tip of the iceberg. The first
human reaction is anger. We are angry and looking for the guilty

Then an insult comes. We are bitter and we are disappointed

Under the insult hiding fear. We are not confident: our
attractiveness, value, mind …

Repentance lies even deeper. We start to regret
committed by

At the very bottom of the iceberg of stress emotions is love. Exactly
she gives us tolerance and power to forgive.

The tension between two loving people will disappear only if
when they gradually pass through all layers of emotions, until finally
reach love. You can not immediately “jump” into love, otherwise
the relationship will not be clarified until the end, but in the soul will accumulate
resentment and tension. You need to be brave to honestly show
Beloved person (and, at times, and to himself) all his true feelings.
Lack of candor can gradually kill love. �”If in
love relationship you do not tell your partner the whole truth, passion
dying, ”says Barbara de Angelis in her book“ Secrets
family happiness. – After all, passion is the fruit of intense feelings.
By suppressing the truth, you muffle the ability to feel, and
when a person stops feeling he ceases to love. “

Another connoisseur of interpersonal relationships, Gary Chapman in his
the book “Five Languages ​​of Love” advises spouses to learn to communicate each
with a friend in a language of love. All these “love languages” 5.

The first “language of love” is compliments and words of approval. Not
be afraid to praise your beloved, he will appreciate it and will try to keep
yourself “on par” to match your praises.

�“Darling, this tie is yours!”

�”Dear, how nice that you washed the dishes!” I’m so pleased,
thank you!”

�“Dear, you are the best father in the world! You play so well with
children! “

Anna 31 years old housewife:

“Of course, now, after 5 years of marriage, is not what it was before,
when melted from one look at each other. Love-passion is gone,
there was love-friendship. Previously, she loved and did not see any
deficiencies. Now I see the flaws, but I still love them. Especially,
when you look at other people’s husbands, you compare and understand – yours, though
and with flaws, but there’s still no better! ”

The second “language of love” is “quality time”. Is meant
that you need at least 15-20 minutes a day to give undividedly each
friend all your attention. And don’t just sit next to you, staring at
TV, namely communicate, to nothing extraneous (computer,
phone, newspaper, football match) did not interfere and did not distract. Can
do something together, and attracting children, it will unite the whole family:
playing together, going to the park or the cinema, just reading interesting
books …

Aida, 32, housewife:

“Married for 7 years, but real feelings came after only three
years of living together, and every year they only get stronger. Haveшли
reproaches and misunderstandings, compromise and trust appeared. Have нас очень
a dull life full of completely different emotions (mostly
positive). Not могу назвать это привычкой, это настоящее
feeling conscious. Can сказать в отношениях и родилась
true first love. In order to save her, I just believe
in her husband, I appreciate him, and, of course, love “

The third “language of love” – ​​gifts. is heи не обязательно должны быть
dear, because it is important attention. You made a favorite gift
then you think about him, decide what he likes.

The fourth is “ministry by works.” Exactly своими поступками мы
show love for your soul mate. is he любит борщ, значит, надо
pamper him more often with this dish. He is pleased when the house is clean and
уют – надо создать him. Not надо только забывать и о себе, ведь
you can ask your husband to help you with cleaning, cooking or other work
around the house. The main thing is to say that with this he will help you very much and that for
you just need his help.

Larisa, 31, economist:

“За 5 лет брака наша любовь стала только сильнее. Haveшла
irritability due to the absence of her husband, then in billiards, then on
hunting, then fishing … And it’s even more respect. I do everything for
to save our love: I try to be a good wife,
friend, mother for daughter. The husband appreciates this. “

Last but not least is the fifth language of love –
�”Physical touch”. It is very important to feel the touch.
beloved, hugging him, touching accidentally, holding on to
arms…

Different people use these 5 love languages ​​in different ways. Someone
content with some one, someone needs all five. But more often
for spouses in communicating with each other priority becomes
some one “language of love”, and the rest are optional.
If you determine which “languages ​​of love” are close to you and your
beloved, and will communicate to them, then, on the assertions of Gary Chapman,
there will be complete harmony in your family.

In general, in my opinion, accurate recipes for happiness and love in marriage
not. Even expert advice is advisory in nature. AND
only we ourselves can build harmonious relations with our
loved ones We can be wrong and be right, go by the dictates of the heart and
to count everything with a “cold” mind, we can take offense and forgive,
angry and happy, sad and laughing. But be sure to love!
AND обязательно — вдвоем!

And I want to finish the article with the words of a famous guru and mystic Oshsho:
�“Marriage is a great opportunity to grow to love. Nothing is not
can destroy love. If it is, it will continue
grow”.

Comments

ANDННА 35 ЛЕТ,ВРАЧ. 24.11.2016 Замужем третий год.Родился сыночек.Have
husband’s second marriage and two children from his first marriage. In my opinion,
each has his own secret of happiness. But the main thing for us is sincerity and
прозрачность отношений!Haveмение не понятных моментов для себя
talk with her husband calmly, without reproach and
оскорблений!HaveМЕНANDЕ ДАРANDТЬ ЛЮБОВЬ,ЗАБОТHave,ПОДДЕРЖКHave ВО
ВСЕМ!AND,конечно.оставаться желанной и сексуальной для любимого!AND
MANDATORY. You get a full return. Also attention, care and
любовью!гЛАВНОЕ-лЮБОВЬ!А ОНА ТВОРANDТ ЧHaveДЕСА!!!! Lisa 03/18/2016 A
you can still diversify your relationship with all sorts of things there,
beautiful underwear http://elit-ero.ru/ Asem, 37 years old,
воспитатель в ДHave 02.03.2016 Люди! There is no love! She came up with poets and
directors for sentimental ladies. Not обманывайте себя. AND
others. Svetlana 03/02/2016 Bredyatina, everyone is looking for where and with who is he to
it is more convenient to survive – it is an instinct! Svetlana 01/10/2016 Bredyatina,
каждый ищет где и с who is he to it is more convenient to survive – it is an instinct! Not
powder young girls brains!

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