Пн, 16 ноя 2015 Автор: Елена Гурфинкель
Те, кто сталкивался с изменой a husband, описывают свои ощущения
differently. Thunder out of the clear sky, out of the fire – into the fire, like an ax
on the head, there was nothing to breathe and so on. But they all agree
what an unpleasant discovery is – one of the strongest blows in
the life of a loving woman. Treachery, trampled pride, quarrels,
tears, divorces – this logical chain can be continued
infinitely. What to do next?
Contents
Situation Analysis: Does a Husband Really Change?
First make sure that this is a betrayal, not just a game.
imaginations drawn by your paranoid jealousy. A little bit –
great power, but as material evidence – the subject
worthless. Yes, most of them – change. But is your husband exactly
is related to this set?
It should be warned that digging in a mobile phone,
электронной почте и карманах a husband — занятие, возможно,
fascinating, but the sediment after him often remains
disgusting. Think a thousand times before looking for answers to
your questions in this way – what you find may not
please!
But here, as in a criminal court: to take the case for consideration
and to condemn, you need to make sure that the evidence is convincing:
personally see how a husband kisses with his mistress, read them cooing
chat or overhear a conversation. Build opinion on guesses –
non-constructive. One of not the most spyware, but sometimes enough
effective methods of “investigation” – ask the question “head on.” Maybe,
Your husband will find convincing answers to your questions.
Overheard conversation:
The girl complains to her friend.
– Imagine, I read their sms-correspondence! I even found out
by cell phone number, who she was, found out where she lives and what is her nickname
her dogs He poured him, and he unlocked, said he did not know
This, and nothing they could not have!
A girlfriend’s elderly father sitting nearby:
– Well done man! Always have to unlock! No way
agree!
Be prepared for the truth that you will not hear, even if
sure that the rival exists. What to do in this case when
lies hovering in the air, and not catching it by the tail?
Think first, analyze why this happened, was
Is cheating a one-time. Of course, it makes sense to understand the situation.
только тогда, когда вы готовы простить a husband и остаться с ним вместе
or close to it, but still in doubt. And the point is not at all
to justify or accuse one of you two. Sound
thinking eliminates hatred, and its absence will make your
life is calmer in the case of a divorce, and in the event that the “walker” is
the side will be forgiven. In any case, the final decision is better.
take on a cold head.
So why does the husband change and continue to change?
Решил отвлечься от проблем в семье. Often
family problems drive a man to his mistress, as to an oasis, a spring
in a big desert of problems. At home his wife “nags”, pile on
duties, tasks, domestic problems, and all this at once, as soon as
he returns home from work.
Зато у любовницы нет претензий и ссор, а только
romance and enjoyment. He needs to relax and be distracted, and sex
in such a relationship – only a consequence, and not a cause at all.
Fell in love. They unexpectedly met,
there was a great light feeling. As a result, rapidly
the developing novel their relationship led to sex. It may be
and a fleeting impulse of feelings, not only serious and long
relations.
As an option: I met my school, institute love,
a girlfriend of youth from a pioneer camp or even a kindergarten. At the sight of the former
sweetheart woke up byle feelings.
I got carried away. Here it comes down to intent.
to sleep Your rival does not interest him as a person, they even
there’s nothing to talk about, but her figure, clothes and behavior
women resemble his ideal and awaken in him erotic fantasies.
Заполучил запасной аэродром. She is always ready
to be near, not asking for anything in return. He can always land
here, because houses are storm, rain and other non-flying weather.
Felt young again and
соблазнительным. Men are afraid to grow old much more than
we. After so many years of family life, he is concerned with thought, and he will bite
Does anyone else at his bait. Therefore, in this case, treason
– games of pride and self-affirmation. These are the most spontaneous cases
which do not lead to long-term relationships because interest in them
– purely sporty. You may not even know about such a betrayal.
Decided to be a conqueror. That they have a sport
such is conquest. In the Middle Ages, for example, other people’s castles
conquered. In sports – reach records. A rank in this form
sports sound, perhaps so: a village champion for big sex or
record district jumps on foreign women. These seek
Goals just to win, they need gold in the collection.
medal. There is no question of any fault for the act: they simply do not
consider such a betrayal of treason.
Заскучал. Everything is too smooth and good at home. AND
Lovelace wants “borscht” in the usual soup menu. Best remedy
to diversify the “diet” is elected lover. Each meeting –
event, he is preparing for it and looks forward to. Candidacy and
the personal qualities of the passion are in the background, because this sex
just dessert. A long-term relationship is hardly possible, such a relationship
quickly become boring.
Он — патологический изменщик. He just got used to
that he has a mistress, no matter how good or bad he is at home. Not
look for logic here – it’s just its essence.
Thanks for something. Not только женщины
able to sleep with someone of gratitude! Maybe, соперница
helps him in business, in business, or helped him out at a difficult time. Well
how not to thank? Especially if the assistant is beautiful! Sex in this
case becomes something of a payment for work, but of course
betrayal does not cease to be.
Удобно – служебный роман. He sees her more by
time than you – many hours a day. So involuntarily and flash
feelings growing into a novel. Such colleagues are often
personal secretaries ready to meet literally any desire
chief, or, conversely, the boss. But more often these are young workers,
who scurry around in immodest outfits and not giving rest
unfortunate unstable men.
I decided to annoy you. If you are his something
upset or offended, the faithful can take revenge on you by committing
treason The same thing can happen if you change first – well,
then finding fault with her husband is completely unfair! Item selected
for revenge does not always meet the criteria of the ideal. The main thing is that
she is woman. A man who avenges himself in such a way for offense is like
offended cat: no matter how farther things go, but tag slippers
the offender, he simply must.
Провоцирует на развод. If your marriage is more
similar to a duty, and you cannot venture on its termination,
That betrayal can be the last straw in a full container.
A mistress chosen for such a purpose may turn out to be random.
one-time affair, and your successor at the post of his wife.
What to do if the husband changes – the advice of a psychologist
What not to do:
• Rolling scandals to the “walker” is a dead end. If not at all
piss to keep emotions in yourself, then pour it on – earned, in
Eventually. But to brawl constantly, just for the sake of a quarrel, to
to arrange another beating is to poison life first
turn yourself. Yes, and children, if you have them.
• Want to cry – cry! But try not to disrupt the anger and
insult to others, friends, relatives, and, most importantly, children.
In no case do not look for a mistress, “look at who he is me
traded “, do not take revenge and do not make scandals.
• To revenge a husband and change him “in response” is a common
a wish. But his incarnation will not only reassure, but will anger your
internal demons even more.
• For those whose mother loves to repeat: “I told you so!” – not in
In any case, do not go to my mother!
What makes sense makes sense:
• Seek support from loved ones, friends, and survive this
hit with them.
• Speak, listen to advice, come to life.
• If you have the opportunity, for a while thinking about living with your husband
apart. Such an active stimulus will prevent you from thinking.
soberly And having gone somewhere for a while, you can calmly ponder
your decision: execute or pardon.
If the husband changes: to execute or pardon?
Imagine two scales. On one – for many years
living together, beautiful family, romantic past,
stable future. The second is insulting, humiliating and
Tears-filled current reality with treason Decide what
outweigh. Maybe, первая чаша окажется гораздо полнее. ANDли
the second will be so overwhelming that you can no longer
look at this person and remember him.
Symbolic first bowl. If a к измене a husband
led your general lines of conduct, and he sincerely regrets
committed and swears of eternal faithfulness from now on, then you have a chance
start over. Remember one thing: forgive your spouse and forget it
infidelity – two different concepts. Will you be able to trust your husband and
return your relationship, having such a burden in the soul and memory?
Symbolic second bowl. If you understand
that men excuses are crocodile tears, or does he love
mistress, and perhaps you yourself just can not forgive him –
then, obviously, you better break up, otherwise the weight of unforgiveness will crush
and poison you both.
Answers to common questions, those whose husband is cheating
We will answer those questions on the topic that are often asked at
forums and in the comments.
• Что делать если мой муж мне изменяет
constantly?
If you know that a husband is a pathological cheater, you should
understand that it will always be so. As they say, that can fix
humpbacked? You know the answer. Therefore, there are two ways to exit
situations: either you will divorce your husband or be ready for life
endure it. It is foolish to believe in some kind of apology and remorse if
guilty again and again repeats his “random, nothing for
him meaningless, ridiculous mistakes. “
• Что делать если мой муж изменяет, но уходить не
wants?
If a the traitor arranges everything, think what keeps him at home?
Love for you and children? Fear of going “nowhere” or uncertainty
your rival? In this situation, you need to think: who of you
Such a life is convenient and pleasant. Does something with such a husband hold you
yourself?
• Что делать, если мой муж изменяет мне в
ANDнтернете?
It happens that men have a romantic, heartfelt or
even intimate virtual with internet girls. It seems to someone
treason, to others – no, but the very fact of such communication is rather annoying.
If a вы относитесь первым, дайте мужу шанс и выясните, что значит
for him this correspondence, why he leads it and whether he considers it
natural. Further decision is better to take the results of the conversation:
with whom he will have to end the relationship – with you or with her.
What to do if the husband changes: instead of the epilogue
The only reason why a divorce is allowed according to
The gospel is adultery. But even the church does not give
categorical decree divorce in the case of adultery, how can not
give such an instruction neither a priest nor a psychologist to whom
salvation come those couples who are trying to save
marriage in any way.
No one can make this choice for you. No adviser
can even be in your place
situations.
Yes, cheating is a blow. This crack, which will now divide
space on the “before” and “after.” Notкоторым удаётся снова соединить
the two parts of the former whole, others over time break only
increases, leaving people at different edges of the abyss.
Writer F. Dostoevsky once said that in a truly loving
heart or jealousy kills love or love kills
jealousy.
Listen to your heart and your mind. Only they are the most reliable.
your advisers.
Даже если неосмотрительный или преднамеренный поступок a husband
divided your life into white and black, choose the white side of love
or refuse this man forever, not to stay on
the black side of eternal mistrust, insults, reproaches and suspicions.
